It's Always Been You
by White Firebird
Summary: I don't know what the hell it is with that boy always invading my thoughts...


**Oh-kay. Another one shot here. Pretty sure you all know what this is based off of. Can't wait for April 9th. It's gonna be sweeeeeeet.**

**I don't own iCarly.**

It's always been him.

I can't help how I feel about him. For the longest time now, I've tried so, _so_ hard to surpress these unknown emotions and feelings for him, but none of it ever works. I don't know what the hell it is with that boy always invading my thoughts. I'll be thinking about the fried chicken leg in front of me and then **BAM**, him and his stupid pretty eyes are swimming through my mind. God, he sucks. He has **NO** idea what he does to me...nobody does. Yeah, I'm surprised I haven't told Carly either. But she can't know about it. Neither can he...I want him so, _so _bad...but I can never have him. He deserves someone better than me...someone who'll treat him the way he's supposed to be treated. Not like dirt...

"Sam? You ok?"

I'm snapped from my thoughts by the sound of Carly's voice. Where are we again? Oh. Right. This stupid lock-in at school. _Ughhhh._ Why did I let her con me into coming here?

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm good, Carls. Just thinking about fried chicken."

My best friend nods her head and then continues with whatever she's doing. I look around at all the posters on the wall and at the lights on the ceiling. He's not here right now. Good. If he were, I'd probably either run away in fear or jump his bones and probably strip his clothes off...

What? I'm a teenage girl. I think about stuff like that. He's hot. It happens.

"Sam, are you sure you're ok? You seem more distracted than usual."

"Yeah Carly, I'm alright. Just wish I wasn't here at this stupid lock-in. There's so many other things I'd rather be doing on a Saturday night..."

"I was _not_ letting you throw Fat Cakes at joggers and eat all the ice cream in my freezer! And besides, you'd of had nothing to do at my place anyways, Spencer's got a date and he didn't want anyone over there."

"_Another one?_ Sheesh, he goes through more dates than I do smoothies! The man's a-"

"Alright, that's enough talk about Spence and his...Casanova ways!"

I laugh while Carly shudders and shakes out the images of her older brother that I've no doubt planted in her head. But all good times evaporate when Brad walks into the room. **Great.** _In five, four, three, two..._

"Hiiii Brad! What took you so long! Sam's been waiting for you!"

Shit. _Shit shit shit._ She doesn't know that me and Brad did nothing when she locked us in the cafeteria earlier. All I did was ask him for his slammin' fudge recipe, which he gave to me...aaaand then all we did was talk about how, despite her coming off as a crazed teenage match maker (she's been doing that a lot lately, and it's scaring me), Carly really did mean well. But we decided that it'd probably be best if we just remained friends. He even told me he had eyes for another girl! Go figure. So with that, I left to go find Carly and he went to some AV gathering with...

"Where's Freddie?", Brad asked, camera in hand.

_Him._ Yep. I'm pretty sure I just felt my heart flutter and do a zillion somersaults. Fucking dork and his...dorkiness.

"I thought he was with you?", Carly asks. She then shakes her head, the frown that was there for but a second disappearing. "Nevermind Freddie! How is everything?", she asks, wiggling her eyebrows, that cheesy love-sick looking smile on her lips. If she wasn't my bestest friend in the whole world, I'd smack the crap outta her for that look alone, nevermind everything else she's tried _'helping' _me with the past few days.

"Uhh...good, I guess? Yeah...I should be going", he replies, shooting me a look that basically says _'Your best friend is a loon.'_ All I can do is hide my smirk and shrug my shoulders, giving him a slight wave goodbye as he scurries out of the room, leaving Carly to turn around and give me a confused look.

"What was that all ab-"

"Oh look, time to go raid the snack machine, I'llbebacksoonkaybye!", I say rather quickly, practically running out of the room and into the empty hall, closing the doors behind me as I begin my walk. Her words from earlier in the night are ringing in my head as I stare at the tiled floor while I walk where ever my feet take me.

_"Don't you want a nice boyfriend? Go for it! Make a move!"_

Pfffft. If only that girl **KNEW.** Her head would spin clean off and there'd be blood everywhere...

What? I'm a teenage girl. I enjoy horror movies. Get over it.

Seriously though. How could she think I was in love with _Brad?_ Like, don't get me wrong, he's kinda cute but...not the cute I'm looking for. He makes kick-ass fudge...that's about it. I could never see myself clicking with someone like him...he seems too...I dunno...perfect? Yeah. Perfect. Carly should go after him. They'd be a great match...all perfect and whatnot. **Yuck.** So not my thing.

But Freddie? How could I fall in love _him_? How? I've been asking myself that question now...for the past two and a half years. Sad, right? Yeah, I know. I've been crushing on that fucking dork for that long, without anyone knowing. You'd think I'd have told at least **CARLY** by now...but no. I can trust her with the secret location of my Uncle Buzz, but I could never trust her with my secret crush on Freddie. She'd flip a chiz and tell everyone. I can't look...weak. Or powerless. There's a reason why I'm so guarded and I've got so many walls built around me. I couldn't live if I let Freddie know that I'm in love with him, to let him in, only for him to break my heart...I've had that happen too many times before, and I'm not about to let it happen again...even if my heart aches for Freddie every single day. He can't have that power over me...ever...

I'm now outside in the courtyard, back by the cafeteria. It's nice out tonight. All the more reason why I wish I wasn't here at school. I could be out prowling the streets right now, looking for a good time, instead of beating myself up mentally and emotionally over that god damn dork. Arrghhh! I hate him so much! I just wish I could punch him in the gut like old times and not feel a pang of guilt every time! Now I'm pretty sure I just heard myself growl. Alright, I gotta stop before I start ripping my hair out. After a few seconds of composing myself and deep breathing, I feel that I'm finally starting to relax, putting Freddie out of my mind...

"Sam?"

**"DAMN IT!"**

I instantly cover my mouth, refusing to meet his eyes. God, that dork has such **GREAT** timing. Right as I'm about to shove him outta my head, he just pops right back in...I (hate) love him. Ughhh. I should hate him right now...but I haven't legit hated him in like...three years.

What? I'm a teenage girl. I have conflicting emotions. And boys totally suck.

"Are you alright?"

I almost don't answer him. I almost just want to run away. Again. It's kinda my thing. Especially when it comes to the whole spilling of emotions...yeah, that's kinda not my thing.

"As alright as I can possibly be at the moment. Why, what's it to you?"

"Carly said she couldn't find you, said you rushed outta the room fast. Did something happen between you and Brad?"

My eyes immediately dart to the pavement. I can't be talking about this with him here. He'd find out. He'd have _power_ over me. And I cannot let that happen. He says my name again but I don't respond. A second later, I can see his shoes in my line of vision and I'm cursing not beating the living crap out of him when I had the chance. I'd be halfway home by now...

"Sam? Can you please look at me? Listen...if you need advice...I can help a little bit...if you're willing to hear me out. If not...then I'll just leave you be and talk to you later."

I look up, ever so slightly, and see his chocolate orbs gazing into mine, penetrating my soul. What I wouldn't do right now to just kiss him and really tell him how I feel. I'd _kill_ to do that right now...

"I'll take that as you wanting to listen..."

He takes a deep breath, and so do I. I'm ready for whatever he's gotta say. Will I like it? Probably not. But I guess...I'll just deal. As long as he doesn't find out the truth...

"I know it's scary for you to put your feelings out there..."

**NO SHIT, BENSON!** Ohhhh, if he only knew. If he only **KNEW** it's always been him...

"Cause you never know if the person you like is gonna like you back..."

I really, _really_ hate all the irony in his words right now. It's ripping me apart inside, and I'm pretty sure I feel a tear or two ready to fall from my eyes. So not cool...

"But you never know what might happen."

I'm so close to my breaking point right now it's actually kinda ridiculous. How could he be so fucking **BLIND** and **OBLIVIOUS?** You know what, that's what he's doing right now. He's so messing around with my emotions and my feelings right now as payback for everything I've ever done to him in the past...

But then I replay his words in my head again and I notice the pure sincerity. I see the concern in his eyes. Concern _for me._ Maybe he knows...? No. He can't. Can he? Argh! I really don't want to do this...but at this rate, I've really got no other options...so here I go...ready to take the plunge into the deep end...

"F-Freddie?"

He turns back around and faces me. The concern is there. But there's also something else in his eyes...care. And dare I say...love? He goes to put his hand on my shoulder but stops himself short. Oh God, you fucking dork, just touch me already! I'm yours! Can't you see that!

"Yeah, Sam?"

This is it...moment of truth here.

"I...I...need to..."

"Yeah?"

Grrrrr. Screw this...

"Oh, just kiss me already, you dork!"

I grab his shirt collar and crush my lips to his. I'm instantly in heaven. I've waited two and a half years to do this again! His arms slowly work their way around my waist as he deepens the kiss. At this risk of sounding cheesy and cliche...this is magical. I wish this would never, ever end. Two and a half years of keeping secrets, all out in one loving, awesome, totally bitchin' kiss. Eventually, we both break apart, looking at each other in the eyes. He goes to say something, but he stutters...and it's so damn **CUTE!** God, I'm in love with a dork. **MY** dork. And it feels **GREAT!**

"S-Sam?"

I smile as a lone tear streaks down my cheek. I wrap my arms around him in a huge hug, burying my head into his chest.

"It's always been me?"

I lean back and look up at him. I'm still smiling. He smiles back. I love him. And he loves me back. He'd never hurt me...and I know this. So I nod my head and place a kiss on his cheek. My next few words say everything to him that I've been saying to myself for the past two and a half years.

"It's always been you."


End file.
